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Dating Tips for Shy Guys

How I learned to ask a girl out and to go on a succesful date..

I am a shy guy and I have always found it hard to get in touch with girls or women. I never really had the guts to approach women, let alone ask them out. I found it so hard constantly asking myself how to make the right move. What to say to a girl? Will she be offended if I try to start a conversation? How do other guys attract women?

These and many other questions haunted my head and kept me from feeling confident and secure towards women. Until I started working on it. I started looking at succesful men, I read books, watched certain movies and practiced. Both at home for the mirror as well as (in a later stadium) in bars, at the supermarket and on the streets.

Make no mistake about it, I still am a shy guy. This will probably never change. I know all about how being shy makes meeting girls so difficult. I have been there.

“But I have learned to overcome my fear, how to ask girls out, how to keep up a conversation, how to be attractive just by being myself without playing a role.”

Definition of Shy: Lacking the confidence of being comfortable in social settings. Especially when around attractive women. So in order to overcome your shyness it is necessary to improve your confidence. This can be done by even the most shy guy but it will take some time and effort.

I now know there is no right move. There is no magic thing you should do. Many e-books and websites promise to solve your problems within a few hours but of course that’s not possible.

Why being a shy guy isn’t bad at all!
This is what I learned from a girl I dated recently..

Why do women complain they always get approached by the ‘wrong type of guys’?

A girl which I dated a few weeks ago told me that:
“women do not get in touch with the really great guys because they always are approached by the macho guys, the guys with big mouths who are really into themselves.”

She also said that women don’t get the chance to meet the shy guys while they would want to. According to her:
“the really attractive guys many times do not have the guts. But many women really are interested in shy guys. They are really fed up with the macho type.”

Thanks to the fact that I got to know this girl who ended up teaching me this crucial eye opener insight.

So of course being shy makes it harder to get in touch with women but it is by no means a less attractive characteristic.

How Do Others Do It?
learn and adopt but stay yourself

This is actually a crucial question to ask yourself. How do others do this? How do they get in touch with a woman they like? How do they keep up a conversation? And especially: How do these men make a great first impression. One of my favorite examples is how George Clooney looks on this photo. His Mona Lisa like smile, his very subtle frowned upon eye brows showing he’s interested and even flirting in a confident way.

You can reinvent the wheel but it might be a lot wiser to copy successful men. To be more exact. Take a look at celebrities. Who’s one of the most popular womanizers of this time? Right, George Clooney. (or any other babe magnet you prefer) Watch him and learn from him. Check out his movies, or on Youtube, his photo’s. Analyze how he is behaving. Especially his non-verbal communication, his attitude. The way he walks, his smile, his attitude, how he talks. Try

Remember, you don’t want to play a role. You should stay yourself. But you CAN improve your body language, your interaction et cetera.

Your Smile
smiling helps! for multiple reasons

The power of positive thinking is incredible. As a shy guy you can be your own worst enemy. If you aren’t happy with yourself, you can’t imagine why anyone else would be happy with you.

There are techniques on how to improve your attitude towards yourself in order to overcome the hurdle of shyness. I learned to be aware of self defeating thoughts and how to replace them with positive thoughts. I noticed my attitude changed positively and what really made a difference is that women noticed it too.

Everybody knows positive thinking is important. But do you act upon this knowledge too? Smiling can be a powerful tool to show you are positive minded and to make a nice first impression.

But smiling does even more. A short and easy practice I indulge in every morning is smile at myself in the mirror and say something positive about me and how I will make the best out of the day that lies ahead of me. ( at first I had a smiley sticker on my bathroom mirror to remind me) This is a great start of the day. At first it seemed a little odd to me but things like this really work. You tend to think more positive about yourself and you might already know this or not but you can’t hide how you think about yourself. Others see you how you think about yourself. So that’s why thinking positive is so very, very important. Not only when it comes to dating but for your overall wellbeing, success…

Improve Your Confidence With NLP
Neuro Linguistic Programming

Practices like the one I mentioned, are called Neuro Linguistic Programming. (NLP) Neuro Linguistic Programing is used successfully by many people to increase confidence, overcome fears, enrich relationships and achieve greater success.

NLP is set of models, techniques and processes used to explore the dynamics between the body, mind and language. The programming part points to how these dynamics affect our behaviors.

I will try to clarify this definition: NLP is about how our thoughts affect our emotions, our behavior and communication (both verbal and non-verbal) and vice versa. It is also about how we can influence these factors to improve ourselves. Commonly this starts with changing the way we think.

Neuro corresponds with how we think. Linguistic is about the way we communicate and programming has to do with changing our behavior patterns and emotions.

In order to change the wrong beliefs you got about yourself it might be a good idea to read a book about NLP. But you have to read a qualitative book. When I am buying books I prefer to choose from books that have been reviewed by trustworthy sources like the NY Times or Publishers Weekly.

Body Language
how to present confident body language

Women really sense if a man is confident and confidence is one of the major turn on’s for women. The first thing they notice is body language because they can spot it from a distance.

Walk calmly with open upright posture and no unnecessary movements. The more of these movements you make the more your body language signals you are unsure of yourself. You have to show you are in control. Many men start fiddeling with their fingers when they are nervous. A little trick to avoid this is to keep your thumb and index finger together.

The Power of Imagination
guide your thoughts to express positivity

Something I (used to) do when I am in very crowded spaces is to imagine I am a tree. A big, strong tree grounded by many very deep roots. Picturing this in your mind really helps to feel less pushed over in a crowd. Apart from that it even makes other people give you some more space! Really, you should try this, it works. This is also true when it comes to women and dating. This tip from learnbodylanguage.org is an example of how you can implement this.

“Picture in your mind that you have a big friendly energy field around your body that glows and everyone likes looking at it and is attracted to you.” ( of course this works (best) in combination with good body language et cetera.)

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